You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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