sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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