i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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