just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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