Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
