I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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