Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
