I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize