Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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