i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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