I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
