aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
