with your own penis?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
