uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
