i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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