we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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