1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We talked him into tasing himself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
