she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
