the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
