i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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