The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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