He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
