and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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