boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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