He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
