Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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