I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
