her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
