Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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