i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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