Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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