This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
