well I can't set my house on fire every night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
