you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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