So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i out mim tonsoeep
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