Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Verdict: uncircumcised.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
