nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
