dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
