Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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