Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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