hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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