Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.