Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.