I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend