i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december