david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes