i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?