why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
