Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
