oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
