so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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