i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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