My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
