Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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