During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i need some magic done to my vagina
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
