I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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