Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
