1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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