just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
