I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
