I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
