I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just had sex bonerless
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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