he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
