so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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