Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them

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(719): View more from Colorado

Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.

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(438): View more from Quebec

that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?

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(661): View more from California

1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.

(1-661): View more from California

1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up

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(703): View more from Virginia

Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume

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(916): View more from California

I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.

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