You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home