I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.