too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city