Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.