i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.