let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.