Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
