I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
