Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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