I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
