Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize