We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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