just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
