I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize