Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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