i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
