I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
