My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
love makes seman taste better
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
