so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is classic penis vs brain.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
