rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
