I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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